Proud

My wife came out and cooked dinner for the first time in months. I cant remember the last time she cooked. I am so proud of her!

I was in the kitchen with her and wanted to say so much to her. I long for any type of interaction with her. I didn't want to push by bombarding her with to much to fast. So I kept everything in, and just spoke when she spoke.

We didn't speak much, if not occupied by the food, she would watch the TV that was on. I was not even an after thought to her. I have learned from my research on the illness not to take anything personal. It's not her intention to disassociate herself from other, but I couldn't help but feel sad, that she didn't want to interact much with me.

She sat at the couch and I found myself constantly looking over at her, hoping to catch her eye even for a second but it never happened.

We ate and she went back upstairs to her room, and I am here in the kitchen feeling so lonely, tears in my eyes. I can't help but feel guilty for wanting more than she can give right now, I am trying to find a way to express my feeling right now in this blog.

The loneliness is getting harder to deal with everyday. That old saying you don't know what you have till it's gone is so true for me. Like most husbands I think, no, I know, I took her for granted for so many years. Now that it's gone, how much I wish I could have that time back.

I must acknowledge that she made a big stride today and that I am glad at the time I had with her today.

I miss my wife very much!